From Generation to Generation: All We Need Is Love

Sometimes I wonder if my niece, Laura, and I would be so close if her dad (my brother) hadn’t died from a rare blood disorder when she was in high school. A death in the family sometimes dissolves even the most loving bonds. But when my brother died, I think we all got closer. Still, I adored Laura from the moment she was born. I was in college in New York City; my brother and sister-in-law lived about a mile downtown, a short bus ride away. I shared an apartment with four other young women, and we had one phone. (Yeah, those days.) When it rang at 2 .m., all my roommates could guess: the baby had been born. The next afternoon after classes, I took the bus across town to Mt. Sinai Hospital and saw what I then considered the most beautiful baby ever born. (Since then, my own two kids and Laura’s two have competed for the title.)

As Laura grew, I adored her even more. Remember those times when you were a teen and you just couldn’t talk to your mother? Laura was lucky to have me and another aunt, my sister-in-law’s sister Heidi, close by. Then, some time after she finished college and settled in Boston, we became friends. It helped that my kids adored her. My daughter in particular has become particularly close with her. In fact, Laura promised she’d have a baby if Ariel chose a college near Boston. Sure enough, baby Ben arrived a few days before Ariel’s freshman orientation. Someday Ben will tell stories about how he spent many days of his babyhood in a sorority house (being totally doted on by a bunch of wonderful young women). Harper arrived in time for Ariel’s senior year.

So this is how we have it now: a mishmash of generations who love and adore each other. I know Ariel tells Laura stuff she won’t tell me — back atcha Ariel, if you don’t think I talk to Laura about you! Oh, also add into this my sister-in-law, Zelda, who is, well, a sister and a friend.

As I mentioned in a previous post, over February vacation, Laura and the kids came into the city for a day of fun with me, Ariel and Zelda. We began at Dylan’s Candy Bar, had lunch at Alice’s Tea Cup and then went on the the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Harper had enough after about two or three mummy cases. At first she was a little spooked — she is only 4 1/2. But after a while she informed us that there was nothing to be frightened of: after all, mummies are only dead people wrapped in tissue paper. (Love the tissue paper idea — I guess that’s what it looked like to her.) 7 1/2-year-old Ben loved the medieval armor exhibit. I mean, take a little boy and show him some interesting looking swords, and he’s in heaven.

Ben wanted to see the musical instruments and ancient coins, but Harper had had it, and we headed out to the park next to the museum where we all sort of pooped out on the bench and talked a while about what was going on in everyone’s life. Then, too soon, it was time for them to catch a cab back to the train.

I think about everything that went into making this such a special day: I live in New York City, where there’s always something fun to do. Laura lives in Boston, not too far away. Zelda lives in Lancaster, PA, also not too far. Ariel is in the city. We all had a day off.

But more than that there’s this funny generational thing that makes Laura my niece and one of my best friends — and Ariel and Laura first cousins and best friends. Ben and Harper worship Ariel, and I can see the day when Harper and Ben are there to babysit Ariel’s kids. There we were, over 60 years separating the youngest from the oldest of us, with so much in common, so much to share.

And there’s a lesson here: These days with all the articles about how Baby Boomers are selfish and not planning on leaving their kids an inheritance (um, first let us get over the college payments and plan our retirements; then we’ll think inheritance), when I look around, I see different generations working, playing and getting to know each other. Some people like to make theories about colliding generations. I’ve been shrugging them off as trouble makers. When I was small, there were always moms we wanted to hang out with and friends of our moms who were so interesting to listen to that we’d hang out with them.

With all this talk of Gen Y, Gen X, Baby Boomers and Traditionalists (or whatever we call the generation of those born before 1946), we’re all just people. As divided as this country is politically, I find that when we don’t talk politics, we have a lot in common. So that’s what I think we should concentrate on — building community and relationships, in our neighborhoods and so on. These days we have online communities. Are you reading this? Well, welcome my friend. Leave me a comment, and I’ll reply.

As usual, I’ll leave you with some things to think about — and comment on.

  • What are the best ways for building communities that include several generations?
  • What are your inter-generational stories and memories?
  • Hop/skip generations used to be so common in the days of large families, when uncles and aunts would sometimes be younger than their nieces and nephews. Is there anything like that now?

And that neighbor of yours, the kid who’s driving you crazy with his skateboard, the old lady with her cats — take a moment out of your day and start a conversation. It’s a beginning.

We Visit Candy Stores With Little Kids

3/12/12 Over the February school vacation, my niece, Laura, came into NYC for a visit, accompanied by her 7 and ½ -year-old son, Ben, and 4 and ½ -year old daughter, Harper. My sister-in-law (Laura’s mom and the loving grandma) took the train up from Lancaster, PA to meet us! The first stop on our daylong fun marathon was Dylan’s Candy Bar on Third Avenue at 60th Street. What was even sweeter than the three floors of every kind of candy you could imagine was the joy in the two kids’ faces when I walked into the store with my daughter, Ariel – their adored and adoring first cousin. Even 50 years ago, when generations of families tended to live close-by, a day with my great-niece and great-nephew, my niece, her mom and my daughter would have been an ordinary thing. But getting all these generations together is  unusual now when people live even only a four-hour-drive apart. So on the one hand, wouldn’t it be wonderful if family members could walk a few blocks and pop in on relatives. But on the other, visits become special and celebratory. I mean, as amazing as Dylan’s is, you generally wouldn’t find me ooo-ing and ahh-ing over all the different kinds and colors of licorice and jellybeans. But Harper and Ben’s surprise and joy was infectious. CANDY!!!! Ariel and I got in the mood and filled a cellophane bag with treats we may not normally eat, but which came highly recommended by the single-digit set. (And I hate to admit it, but we finished every last piece of scrumptiousness before a week was up.) We had a lot more planned for that day, but sharing candy among three generations – well, it’s hard to beat that. Oh, I had forgotten my camera and had to used my iPhone, but even though the picture is a little fuzzy, I mean, can you imagine two happier kids? One more thing: at one point Harper almost slipped, and I said, “oops!” “You sound like my grandma,” Harper said. “Because I said ‘oops,’” I asked. Harper nodded. Please, everyone, tell me that “oops” isn’t something only Baby Boomers say.

WE LOVE TOY KITCHENS!

“Why does Aunt Linda have a kitchen?” Ben, who was five at the time, asked  his mom. Disappointingly, he was not referring to my just-completed renovation with its beautiful green soapstone counters. Ben is mature for his age, but even now at age seven he has not yet developed an interest in home decor.What’s on Ben’s mind is the 25-year-old Fisher-Price play kitchen my own children played with for years, which I now pull out whenever Ben or any other young child comes to visit. It’s not just the kitchen itself that’s so enticing–even though a sink, refrigerator, stove, microwave and counter, along with some storage bins, a phone and a chalk board are contained in a colorful piece of plastic about 3′x3′x4′. What Ben and other kids love is all the food. During the years that I was accessorizing this standby, I added “frozen peas” that can come out of their pods, a “frozen” pepperoni pizza that fits together like a puzzle, a “Big Mac” (and my kids didn’t even like fast food), taco fixings, corn that comes out of its cob, cupcakes with removable icing, and numerous other goodies. There’s dinnerware for four and a picnic basket.

A mom’s eye can quickly catch that this kitchen isn’t new. To begin with, it’s a little dirty–probably no dirtier than the play kitchen standing in the family room of any preschooler’s home today–but this is age-discoloration: a bit of yellow/brown that won’t wipe off between the fake counter tiles. Secondly, there’s the the chalk board. Today it would be a white board or some other erasable drawing surface more likely to mimic the real one in the real kitchen. (If my great-niececould have his way, it would feature permanent markers. She and every other four- and five-year-old I know has a fixation with Sharpies.) The final giveaway is the orange telephone. So 1985. And until Ben became the primary fan of this kitchen, I hadn’t cut away the VERY DANGEROUS orange cord that connected the phone to the kitchen “wall.”

I must admit that when I was investigating toy kitchens, this wasn’t my flat-out first choice. Need I only say that I worked for Scholastic, a fact that may reinforce why I would have preferred one of those wooden jobs, like they have in preschool classrooms, with wooden food, more real-looking utensils, and so forth. But when I bought the Fisher-Price kitchen, my almost-three son was about to have a baby sibling. We lived in a two-bedroom apartment, and he and the new baby would be sharing living space. So I opted for the compact plastic model.

I never had any regrets, I must say, especially since Fisher-Price kept adding food to the line. The kitchen made by Little Tykes (remember, we’re talking mid-to-late 1980′s here) seemed a bit sturdier and perhaps a little cooler, but it lacked all the add-ons. And it was pretty difficult to get wooden food back then. Pre-Internet, remember, stuff was harder to get. A few catalogs that catered to preschools did show up in my mailbox, but in the back of my mind I knew that a wooden banana could make a better weapon than a plastic one.

Play with your food, please

As I was a parenting writer/editor at the time, I knew the importance of pretend play, especially pretend play around food. (Thus I was willing to devote valuable room space to this rather large toy.) Thinking around these areas hasn’t changed at all in the past 20 years. (Look at some of my past–and future–posts for lots of newsflashes about what we got wrong in those days.) Pretend play builds social and emotional skills as children cooperate with others in their games. They work out real life situations by imitating mommy and daddy. In their imagination, they work through possibilities. (For two in-depth discussions see http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=10175 and http://www.toddlerstoday.com/articles/development/once-upon-a-time-2224/. It’s the same thing you read in Parents or Parenting when your kids were little. Don’t worry.)

Food play falls distinctly into the category of working out real life situations. And I don’t meant that giving a kid a toy kitchen will help him learn to cook. But the child will interact with food and with the process of getting food into our stomachs–a necessity for life (but also, unfortunately, something many people overdo). Children experiment with the concept of raw (can toy food be raw?) and cooked, of serving to others, and of pleasing. Unfortunately, child development experts have never demonstrated any link between toy kitchen-play and reduced fussiness about real food.

Toy food from the (toy) food market

Being that the wooden toy thing still sends a thrill up my leg, I love the kitchen–and market–for sale at The Land of Nod (http://www.landofnod.com/spill.aspx?c=3146&pc=2893). These are high quality toys. I have given several of the food items–such as the pizza with its Velcro toppings–as gifts, and the recipients devoured them (figuratively, of course). I can’t count the times I have said, “Num, num, num” or “Yummy in my tummy” when presented with a wooden sandwich or ice cream cone. The items by this manufacturer are, however, pretty pricey. The gorgeous kitchenette is nearly $250, and the refrigerator $200. This stuff is for serious wooden-toy aficionados.

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(The Land of Nod wooden kitchen and pizza set. Yummy.)

KidKraft makes two handsome wooden kitchens, one in pink (very girly) and the other in what they call retro-red. Both take up a bit of space and are meant to be placed against a wall and don’t have that every-inch-in-every-direction feel of my Fisher-Price kitchen. A downside might mean that there’s less cooperative play. One child can’t be pretend washing while another pretend cooks. On the other hand, the galley layout might prevent knocks and shoves resulting from little ones getting in each other’s way. The prices on these are a little less than those from The Land of Nod, and there are some accessories, and not all in wood. They are both available at Amazon.com.

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(The red KidKraft kitchen is very retro and very cool.)

Little Tykes has several models. Their “Sizzle N Serve Kitchen” suffers from having an “N” in its name. But as it comes from this manufacturer, you can bet it’s nearly indestructible. It apparently comes with some accesories, like some food and pots and pans, plastic ice cubes (from a working ice-maker)–and a gas grill! Retailing for about $150 on sites like Amazon.com, this kitchen features two layouts–straight and l-shaped. The toy takes its name from the sound effects in the grill and stove. The great aunt in me believes that there’s a lot of play value here. I like less their “Play Smarter Cook N Learn Kitchen.” It’s plain ugly. And imagine: recipe games teach kids colors and sizes. There’s a little bit of trying too hard here to make playing “learning,” which, I think, after the initial blush wears off makes playing boring. I will say that this is priced right–less than $100 on Amazon.com.

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(Chefs at play with Little Tykes Sizzle N Serve.)

“Lifestyle Grand Walk-in Kitchen” from Step2 is huge and meant for people with big playrooms. Several children could use this kitchen at the same time, and it looks really sturdy and has garnered some good reviews. It falls into the more pricey category–around $250. For that kind of money I would prefer a wooden kitchen (although everything about the design of this one is sensible). This company makes a smaller play kitchen, The Lifestyle Dream Kitchen, which comes with a 37 piece accessory set. It’s good looking–but it seems a mite small, like it’s meant for toddlers. (My kids used the Fisher-Price kitchen until they were eight or so. No kidding.)

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(Isn’t life grand with this huge play kitchen from Little Tykes?)

One kitchen I don’t like is by . . . Fisher-Price. Dora the Explorer winks from behind and talks. It would give me nightmares. They also make an Elmo restaurant, which with Oscar and Cookie on the doors of the stove and refrigerator, definitely falls into the creepy department. My niece is raving about their “Grow With Me” kitchen. It starts out at the appropriate height for a toddler, but then can be made higher, and, ta-dah! There’s now a microwave. The kitchen also has lots of sound effects (by way of batteries, not included), like a blender that goes whirr. My niece said it’s really easy to assemble–and she was also excited that Fisher-Price seems to be producing a new line of food. She has already bought the peanut butter and jelly sand51flBrPvqDL._SL160_AA160_wich set. (The Fisher-Price Website says this toy is sold exclusively at Toys R Us, but I’m not sure.) The Fisher-Price”Laugh & Learn 2-in-1 Learning Kitchen” features “sounds and phrases” and is for babies. All of these are reasonably priced, of course, and since they come from Fisher-Price, well made.

(“Help, get me out of this kitchen,” shreiks Dora. Not really.)

They just don’t make them like they used to.

The kitchen I found that is most like the one my kids have is made by Chicco.

(The colorful Star Kitchen from Chicco.)

This manufacturer, whose toys were originally imported from Italy and thus had a certain chachet, uses bright primary colors. It’s cute, it’s under $100, it’s compact and kids can play on both sides. But . . . it’s not as interesting or inventive as my getting-older-every-moment Fischer-Price kitchen. A lot of moms of little kids I spoken with like the Little Tykes products; most yearn for the wooden toys because they look so classy. Some moms I know are excited that Fisher-Price is finally updating the kitchen my great-nephew and other young friends adore. (I mean, that phone is so 1983.) In the plastic kitchen department, though 20-years-old, that kitchen still has much built in play.
A note: one problem we always had was where to put all the “stuff” th317PfX-fUyL._SL160_AA160_at went along with the kitchen. Since we lived in apartment where space was precious, the kids and I would cram everything into the kitchen at night when we cleaned up. But no child wants to cook plastic turkey legs if the toy oven is full of pretend pizza and what not. So the next day’s play inevitably means lots of kitchen odds and ends scattered over the floor. The obvious answer is to get a dedicated receptacle that fits everything. Any Walmart or Bed Bath and Beyond will have many suitable choices. But here is a gap that could be filled by a smart toy manufacturer: some kind of box that is clearly meant to store extra toy food and toy dishes. And what a clean-up incentive that could be as well. But cleaning–now that’s another topic for another day.